


Angel Fade

by DeansDirtyLittleSecret



Series: Angel and Demon [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demon Dean Winchester, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Multiple Points of View, Pain, Reader-Insert, Smut, Supernatural smut, reader is an angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 04:46:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4291335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeansDirtyLittleSecret/pseuds/DeansDirtyLittleSecret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is no longer a demon and he needs to find the reader before it’s too late. Final installment of my Angel and Demon series. You will need to read those first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angel Fade

I felt the black fade from my eyes. The vise that had been wrapped like winter’s chill around my heart let go and I could see through the haze of darkness again. I could feel everything I hadn’t been able to feel for months. It was over.

* * *

_ You tried to push yourself up and off the bed, but you couldn’t manage more than a slight lifting of your head. You felt the tears sliding down your face and you cursed them, hating the weakness they showed, wishing you knew what they meant. _

_It had been three days since Dean had been cured, three days since you’d walked out of the bunker. You’d barely made it a quarter of a mile down the road, before sinking to the ground, so weary and spent that every movement took immense effort. Some woman with a kind heart had picked you up and taken you to a small motel in Smith Center, Kansas, just twenty minutes from the bunker._

_She hadn’t wanted to leave you there, alone, she'd wanted to take you to a hospital, but you wouldn’t let her. She’d finally agreed only after you had taken her number and promised to call her if you weren’t feeling better in a few days. You’d dropped it in the trashcan outside the motel office after she’d driven off._

_You had no idea what was happening, why you were fading so quickly. If you had to hazard a guess, you’d have to say you were dying. You were an angel without her grace._

_You tried one more time to get out of the bed, this time managing to slide out of it and onto the floor. You propped yourself against the side and reached for the glass of water you’d set on the bedside table, but your fingers just grazed it, knocking it to the floor. You let out a frustrated moan as the water soaked into the ugly motel carpet, closed your eyes and laid your head against the scratchy motel blanket. You just wanted the pain to go away, you wanted all of it to go away. You didn’t feel anything when you slumped over and fell to the floor._

* * *

“Any luck, Sam?” I asked as I came up the stairs into the library.

“Nothing yet, but I’ve still got to check her vessel’s credit cards,” Sam replied. “What about Cas or Hannah? Have they found her?”

“No,” I muttered, dropping my phone to table. I yanked out a chair and sat down. “Neither one of them have any idea where she is. Hannah said it’s like she disappeared.”

“What about you?” Sam said, stealing a glance at me from the corner of his eye. “Can you feel her?”

“Not anymore,” I answered, shaking my head. “There’s nothing. It’s weird. I always knew she was there, I could always feel her, she was a constant presence in my head for so long and now it's just silence."

Sam tried to hide it, but I saw the sympathetic look he gave me before he turned back to his laptop. He probably thought I was crazy, completely off my rocker, desperately searching for a graceless angel whose only attachment to me was her claim to be my former guardian angel and the fact that I'd fucked her when I was a demon. In fact, I knew that was what he was thinking, it was written all over his face.

But he hadn't seen the look in her eyes or heard her voice when she'd told me she loved me. He didn't understand. Only I knew, only I truly understood what she'd done to get me back, only I could save her. Only I could save my angel.

"Dean!" Sam sat up so suddenly in his chair that the sound of the front two chair legs hitting the floor echoed through the bunker. He swung his laptop around, pointing at a map on the corner of the screen. "I found her."

* * *

_ The pounding was making your head hurt, like someone was kicking it over and over. You moaned, and tried to move, but your body wouldn’t obey you. You could have sworn someone was calling your name, but it was probably another hallucination. They'd been coming steadily for hours - memories of you and Dean intermingled with dreams and nightmares, reality and fantasy so mixed together you didn't know the difference anymore. You wrapped your arms around your head, moaning in pain. _

_A few minutes later, you heard the door swing open, but you couldn’t even open your eyes to see who it was. Warm hands took hold of you and you felt yourself being lifted and moved, the soft bed suddenly under you instead of the hard floor. You heard voices, low and male. You tried to move, something, anything, but you felt as if your body was weighted down with lead. You slipped back into unconsciousness._

* * *

_ “She’s dehydrated -  she needs food, water -” you heard from where you were lying, buried under a pile of blankets. _

_“She’s an angel,” someone else interrupted. “She doesn’t need food or water.”_

_“That’s just it,” the first voice said. “I’m not even sure she is an angel anymore. Dean, it's like she’s, I don't know, human.”_

_Dean. You tried to force your eyes open, but they refused to cooperate.. You had to be dreaming, except angels didn’t dream. So you tried to move, but only your finger twitched. Damn it._

_“Dean,” you yelled. Only it wasn’t a yell, it was a faint gasp of air, lost in the other sounds in the room - traffic rushing by outside, the tick of the radiator, the thump of the plumbing in the walls, and the amorous couple in the room next door. Even the sound of papers shuffling on the other side of the room was louder than you._

_But somehow he heard you, because he was at your side, his huge warm hand closing over yours, the bed dipping slightly as he gingerly sat beside you. “Hey, Y/N,” he murmured. He ran his hand gently over your head, smoothing your hair away from your face._

_"Wh...what are...doing here?" you managed to say._

_"You left without saying goodbye," he smiled._

_You tried to return the smile, but a wave of pain washed over you. You felt tears sliding down your cheeks as a low moan slipped past your lips. You felt Dean tense beside you, the hand holding yours tightening minutely, then he was wiping the tears away, the pad of his thumb hard and calloused, his touch gentle._

_“Shhh,” he whispered. “It’s gonna be okay.”_

* * *

The next time Y/N came awake, the room was dark and quiet. I'd turned the lights out hours ago, save for one small lamp in the corner by the sofa. I was sitting as close to it as I could get, a pile of books on the coffee table in front of me. I had been searching through every book we had on angels, hoping to find something that could help me. But I already knew what was happening to her.

It was a subtle change, just a slight shift, maybe a hitched breath. I set the book on my lap to the side, then rose slowly from the couch, crossing the room as quietly as possible. I kneeled at the side of the bed and took her hand, intertwining our fingers. She was awake, looking up at me, her eyes still dulled by pain and weakness. I put my arm around her and helped her up, propping some pillows behind her so she could lean against them. I grabbed one of the bottles of water I’d had Sam buy from the table and held it to her lips. She took a couple of sips, not enough to make me happy, before turning away from me, her head resting against the wall.

“Come on, angel,” I whispered. “You’re dehydrated, you need fluids.”

I immediately regretted it when she closed her eyes and sighed. I’d called her angel. I couldn’t take it back, but I was sure she didn’t want to hear that from me, that word. It would only remind her of what I’d done to her, how she’d almost died to save me. I bit back the apology. Now wasn’t the time.

“How’d you find me?” she whispered. The neon light from the motel sign shining through the crack in the curtain washed over her, illuminating every crease of pain marring her beautiful face.

“Credit cards,” I explained. “Sam was monitoring your vessel’s credit cards for me.” I swallowed, the sound loud in the silence of the room. “You didn’t make it very far.”

“I tried…” she muttered. “Too tired, weak.” Her hand twisted in the blanket, futilely tugging at it. I could see goosebumps on her skin and she was trembling. Her hand in mine was as cold as ice.

“Here, let me,” I murmured. I stood up and pulled the blankets over her, tucking them around her body.

“Th-th-th-thank-k-k y-y-you,” she stammered. She was shivering and her teeth were chattering. “Wh-what’s wr-wr-wrong…” she sputtered helplessly.

“What’s wrong with you?” I offered helpfully. She nodded and I could see the relief on her face that she hadn’t had to spit out the entire sentence.

“Near as we can figure, with some input from Cas and Hannah, is that your grace is gone,” I explained. “Completely gone.”

Her brow furrowed in confusion. “I don’t understand,” she whispered. “Castiel…”

I had known she would focus on that, on the fact that Cas had been human and he hadn’t gone through what she was now going through. It was one of the things I’d been researching, why I’d had Sam bring me the stack of books to read through. I cleared my throat, worried how she would react.

“We, well, I think it’s because your grace was slowly depleted, a little at a time, instead of all at once,” I said. “You grew weaker every time you used your grace on me. You weren’t just healing me, were you?” I didn’t wait for her to answer, I didn’t need to. I knew the truth. “You were actually giving me your grace, taking it from yourself and forcing it into me, trying to cure me. And now, you’re human. Or almost human. The human side of you is fighting to...well, it’s basically fighting what’s left of your grace and the angel side of you isn’t strong enough to fight back. Your body is at war with itself. Do you understand?”

She nodded and then she was crying, tears filling the corners of her eyes. She buried her face in the blankets, trying to hide from me.

“You almost killed yourself, angel,” I mumbled. “For me. Which was stupid and reckless. I’ll never be able to repay that debt. But I can help you get better, get you back on your feet. It’s the least I can do.”

There it was, the guilt. I’d been holding it just below the surface, trying to keep it contained, but at random times it would sneak out, overwhelming me.

Another shiver ran through her, shaking the entire bed. “The blankets aren’t helping?” I asked.

“N..n..nnn-no,” she breathed.

“Damn it,” I muttered under my breath. I pulled off my button down and toed off my boots, lifted the blankets and slid into bed beside her. It was a tiny bed, one of those not-quite-a-twin-not-quite-a-full beds that seemed to be in every motel room in America. As soon as I laid down next to her I was touching her, her skin like ice, her entire body shaking, teeth chattering. Her lips had a blue tinge to them that I didn’t like. I slid my arms around her and pulled her against my chest. I tugged the blankets back over both of us, hoping I could warm her with the heat from my body.

* * *

_ His warmth seeped into you, chasing away the chill, though you could still feel the prickle of goosebumps on your skin. _

_You closed your eyes. You knew he wasn’t there because he had any feelings for you, everything he did was now coupled with a sense of pity and guilt. That’s what was forcing Dean to help you when you knew he didn’t want to, knew he’d probably rather be anywhere else but here, with a sick former angel. But you could pretend for a while, at least until you were back on your feet. You let yourself relax into his arms, the tears drying on your face, Dean’s warm body pressed against your back, his fingers intertwined with yours._

* * *

Y/N needed food. I’d been able to get water in her over the last twenty-four hours, but she hadn’t eaten and she needed to. She wasn’t an angel anymore. I’d thought about calling Sam, having him bring food, but I was the one taking care of her, I was the one who owed her, I was the one that needed to do it. She was my responsibility.

I turned the water off and dried my hands on the thin motel towel. When I stepped out of the bathroom, Y/N was reaching for a bottle of water from the nightstand.

“Let me get that,” I said, snatching one off of the table, twisting off the lid and handing it to her.

“Thanks,” she murmured. She smiled shyly at me, sipping delicately from the bottle.

“Feeling better?” I asked. I looked her over, knowing instinctively she was going to lie to me. He was pale and drawn. She had dark circles under her eyes and her lips were chapped.

“I guess. My head hurts and I’m still really tired,” she sighed. “Just talking to you is making me tired.”

I pulled my jacket out of my duffel bag at the end of the bed, slipped it on and took the keys from the Impala off the table. I opened my mouth to tell her where was I going, but the look on her face stopped me cold. If it was possible, she’d gone even paler and her eyes were filled with genuine terror.

“You’re leaving?” she gasped. Her hands started to shake, the water bottle fell to bed and spilled. She was gasping and holding her hands to her chest.

I dropped my keys back to the table and hurried to her side. “Hey, hey,” I said. “Breathe.” I took both of her hands in mine and sat down beside her.

“What are you doing?” she whispered, her hands holding mine in a death grip. “Please don’t...don’t leave me. Not yet.”

I rubbed my fingers across her knuckles. “It’s okay, angel,” I said. “I was just going to grab you - us - some food.”

“Food?” she mumbled, confused. It was obvious that the thought had never occurred to her. She wasn’t used to eating or sleeping or any of the other things that went along with being a human.

“Yep, food,” I chuckled. “You’ve been here for days and I don’t think you’ve eaten. It’s probably why you have a headache.” I smiled gently at her, glancing down at her hands grasping mine again. “Do you want me to stay?” I asked.

“Please?” she nodded, a pleading tone to her voice..

I smiled at her and gave her hands a gentle squeeze. “Okay,” I murmured. “Okay.” I stayed next to her, holding both of her hands in one of mine. I pulled my phone from my jacket pocket. Guess I’d call Sam after all.

Y/N watched me as I called my brother, her hands still tightly holding mine.

“What do you say we get you cleaned up, angel?” I asked when I finished the call. I pulled the blanket back and helped her from the bed. She nearly fell over, her legs weak from disuse. My arms slid around her waist so I could hold her up, but instead I practically carried her across the room to the bathroom, sitting her on the lid of the closed toilet.

I made sure she wasn’t going to fall over, then I leaned over the bathtub, turned on the water and adjusted the temperature before dropping the plug. I turned back to her, sure I had an uncomfortable look on my face.

“I can, um, step outside,” I said. “You can call me if you need me.” My hand was on the doorknob when she squeaked out a response I couldn’t understand. I turned back to her.

“Stay here,” she whispered. “I - I need your help. I don’t think I can do this by myself. I’m just so tired.”

* * *

_ Dean was unbelievably gentle. It was different from what you’d grown accustomed to when dealing with him, so different that at first you could only stare at him in disbelief for the first few minutes after he starting helping you. _

_He lifted you carefully, his arm around your waist, and tugged the unfamilar sweatpants you’d been sleeping in down your legs, then he sat you back down to pull them off, laying them over the sink. He bit his lip, looking around the room for a second before grabbing a towel and holding it out to you._

_“Take this,” he said. When you just looked at him, not sure what he wanted, he shook it a little. “Take this,” he repeated._

_You took it, still not sure what he wanted you to do with it. He took a hold of the hem of your t-shirt, another piece of clothing you didn’t recognize, and pulled it up until it was just beneath your breasts._

_“When I pull your t-shirt over your head, put the towel over yourself, okay?” he said quietly. “Then I’ll help you into the tub.”_

_You nodded, watching him closely. He was careful not to let his eyes roam over your body, careful to keep his hands from touching you too intimately. He was treating you like you were a priceless porcelain doll. You were used to torn clothes, rough, calloused fingers harshly exploring every inch of your body, demanding and needy. You had to remind yourself that this Dean wasn't a demon._

_Once your clothes were on the floor, Dean took your hand and pulled you to your feet, the towel held loosely in front of you. He waited, looking at a spot somewhere over your head, while you tucked the towel around yourself. Once you were finished, looking at him questioningly, he scooped you up and gingerly lowered you into the warm water._

_He peeled off his jacket, dropping it on the floor next to your clothes and sat down on the floor by the tub, by your head, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him, his body turned slightly away from you._

_You watched him for a few minutes, the silence between you growing more and more awkward with every second that passed. You couldn’t take it anymore._

_“How are you?” you asked, just to say something._

_“I’m fine,” he grinned, tight lipped._

_You laid your head against the wall behind you. “Dean,” you snapped. “Seriously. How are you?”_

_He turned and looked at you, one arm leaning on the edge of the tub, then he sighed heavily. “Honestly? I feel pretty shitty,” he shrugged. “I tried to kill my brother, became BFFs with the King of Hell, trashed my car, and then there’s you…”_

_“Dean, nothing happened between us that I didn’t want to happen,” you interjected._

_He shook his head. “Doesn’t make any of it right. You’re an angel and I, well, I was a dick. I never should have touched you...defiled you…”_

_“You didn’t,” you argued. “I told you. I wanted you just as much as you wanted me. There wasn’t anything that happened between us that I wasn’t one hundred percent okay with. Don’t you dare feel guilty about any of it.”  You put your hand on his arm._

_He put his hand over yours and squeezed it gently. “Was it true what you said? That you’re my guardian angel?”_

_“I was,” you corrected him. “Not anymore. Apparently, I’m not an angel at all anymore.” The thought terrified you. You had no idea what you were going to do. You tried to pull your hand away, but Dean held it, not tightly, but not letting you go either._

_“Did you mean it?” he asked._

_You knew exactly what he was talking about. “Yes,” you whispered, nervously picking at the towel still wrapped around your body._

_“But why?” he whispered. “Why me of all people? I don’t deserve it.”_

_“You deserve love just as much as anyone does,” you whispered. “It just, I don’t know, happened. When you sold your soul, I couldn’t let go, I couldn’t walk away, no matter how hard I tried, no matter what Heaven said. I was too far gone.”_

_He smiled at you again, a genuine smile. He ducked his head a little, almost shyly and mumbled “I guess,” under his breath. He leaned over you and placed a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth. You drew in a sharp breath, surprised._

_“Sorry,” he muttered, pulling away. “You know, in my head, I still think of you as my angel. I can’t seem to let that go. Even when I felt the connection between us snap, when you weren’t in my head anymore, all I could…” He stopped himself and you could see his throat working as he swallowed. “I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to hear any of this.”_

_“All you could what?” you whispered._

_He turned back to you, his green eyes flashing. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He stood up, pacing the length of the small bathroom. He grabbed the tiny bottle of shampoo and conditioner on the counter, then a bar of soap, holding them tightly in one hand. “I’m sure you hate me, after how I treated you, the way I acted. I can’t ever fix it, can’t make it better, can’t apologize enough to make up for it, but..but I can do this. I can help you.” He crouched down next to you, setting the toiletries on the corner of the bathtub._

_“So you are here because you feel guilty, because you pity me or because of some perverse sense of shame,” you snapped._

_“No, I’m not,” Dean said. “I’m here because I want to be here, because you’re my angel and I need to be here, with you.”_

_Your heart skipped a beat when you saw the truth on his face. You lunged out of the water and threw your arms around Dean’s neck, water splashing around the room. You kissed him with every ounce of strength you had, which wasn’t much, but it was enough to draw a startled gasp from him. He took your head in his hands, returning the kiss, carefully, gently, something you hadn’t experienced with him. It was the best kiss yet._

_“Dean?” you heard Sam yell from the other room._

_“Food’s here,” Dean whispered in your ear before releasing you and standing up. He grabbed a towel and tried fruitlessly to dry off his shirt. “Call me if you need me,” he said before opening the door and stepping out._

* * *

I wanted to punch Sam in the face as soon as I opened the door, irritated that he'd interrupted us, but that wouldn’t have been wise considering we were trying to mend our relationship after I’d nearly killed him. Instead I gave him a tight smile and pulled the bathroom door closed behind me.

Besides, I couldn’t be mad at him when he gave that happy Sam-smile of his and held up two bags of fast food. I could practically taste the grease. He set them on the table in front of the coffee table, then turned and went back outside. He came back in a few minutes later with a case of water and a couple of bags from the Walmart in Wichita, dropping them to the floor.

“Why are you wet?” he asked.

I glanced down at my t-shirt, nearly sopping in the front. I could still feel water running down the back of my neck. I shrugged and yanked my shirt over my head, then grabbed a dry one from my duffel at the end of the bed.

“Thanks, man,” I said as I pulled the shirt on. I pointed to the bags on the floor. “What’s in there?”

“I figured Y/N might need some clean clothes,” Sam shrugged. “Something that wasn’t three times too big for her or an old band t-shirt.”

I nodded and dug through the bags, pulling out some shorts and a t-shirt. I ripped the tags off, then stepped inside the bathroom, quickly closing the door behind me. Y/N was still in the tub, her hair wet, soap running down her neck and over her breasts. I forced myself not to stare. Or to think the things I was thinking.

“Sammy brought you some clothes,” I said. “You still good?” I didn’t like how weak she seemed or how pale she still was.

“I think so,” she replied. “I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

I smiled and gave her a quick thumbs up, then stepped back out. Sam was sitting on the couch, thumbing through my notes.

“How’s she doing?” he asked.

“She’s getting there,” I answered. I dropped to the couch next to him. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Sam shrugged. “You guys good, need anything else?” He looked closely at me, then shot a glance at the door. His voice lowered a bit and he leaned closer. “Seriously, though, are you guys good? You and Y/N, I mean.”

“We’re getting there,” I smiled. “We were...talking...before you came in.”

“Talking?” Sam smiled. “Got it. Look, I’m gonna head out, go back to the bunker. Call if, you know, you need anything.” He spun the keys to the battered and beat up old truck he’d been driving in his hand, a knowing smirk on his face. He stopped with his hand on the doorknob and looked at me over his shoulder.

“You know what you’re doing, right, Dean?” he asked, looking knowingly at the bathroom.

“I hope so,” I muttered. “I really hope so.”

* * *

_ The food, the bath, the clean clothes, all of it had been just what you’d needed. You felt considerably better. Once you’d finished eating, you watched Dean as he straightened up, throwing out the trash, hanging his wet shirt over a chair, fussing with the pillows and blankets on the couch where he’d been sleeping. When he finally ran out of things to pick up, he stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. _

_“Are you angry with me?” you asked._

_“What?” No,” he said, a funny look on his face. “Why would you think that?”_

_“Because you’re stomping around the room doing everything in your power to avoid me,” you replied._

_“I wasn’t stomping,” he chuckled. He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, then, decision apparently made, he crossed the room and sat next to you on the bed. “Sorry.” He rearranged the pillows behind him, then he leaned back and held his arms out to you. “Come here,” he murmured._

_You slid across the bed and let yourself be pulled into his arms. His fingers tangled in your hair and he pressed a kiss to your forehead._

_“Okay?” he asked._

_You nodded and pressed your face to his chest, inhaling his scent. No more cologne, no more underlying smell of sulfur, instead you could smell deodorant, whiskey, mint gum and even gunpowder. That was the smell you’d always associated with Dean. You looked up at him and the next thing you knew, he was kissing you and you were kissing him back, your hands fisted in his shirt, pulling him closer to you. You sat up and straddled him, deepening the kiss, your body responding to him just like it always had._

_His hands slid up your legs to your hips, holding them loosely. He was letting you take the lead, letting you dictate what you did. You shoved his shirt up, quickly pushing it off of him, then you fumbled with the button on his jeans, your fingers stiff and unsure._

_“Hey, angel, take it easy,” Dean murmured, taking your hands in his, stopping you._

_“Sorry,” you said, pushing yourself off of him. “I just thought...Never mind, it’s not important.”_

_“Nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “But we’re not doing this like we did it when...before.” Dean sat up, propping himself on one elbow and looking down at you. He traced his finger up and down your arm, a tender smile on his face. “That’s not who I am anymore. That’s not who we are anymore.”_

_His arm slipped around your waist, pulling you close. His lips settled on your neck, soft and tender, nibbling carefully. He splayed his hand over your back, his hand warm and comforting. He moved up your neck, over your throat, along your jaw, finally settling on your mouth. His tongue traced along your lips, into your mouth and over your teeth, slowly, like he’d never kissed you before. He nuzzled the side of your neck with his nose, his lips barely ghosting over the sensitive skin behind your ear._

_You sighed, turning your head to give him better access. He rolled you to your back, his mouth moving over every inch of skin on your neck and shoulders, his hands caressing you through the clothes you were still wearing._

_“You’re okay with this?” he whispered in your ear._

* * *

I wasn’t sure how we’d gotten where we were, my angel kissing me, straddling me, her hands yanking my shirt off and fumbling at my jeans, trying to pull them off as well, but I knew that this wasn’t how I wanted to do this, not like this, not like we’d been.

I grabbed her hands, stopping her from yanking at my clothes. “Hey, angel, take it easy,” I murmured.

Her face fell, confusion, anger and uncertainty written all over it. “Sorry,” she said as she flopped back on the bed. “I just thought...Never mind, it’s not important.” She turned her head away from me, her cheeks pink with embarrassment.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” I said. “But we’re not doing this like we did it when...” I drew in an unsteady breath. “Before.” There was no way I was treating her like I had when I was a demon, when I’d used her, defiled her, nearly gotten her killed. I wanted it to be different. “That’s not who I am anymore. That’s not who we are anymore.”

I traced my fingers up and down her arm, then I slipped my arm around her waist. I wanted to kiss her, to feel her, to relearn everything about her. I wanted to know what it was like to be with her as myself, not the demon I’d once been. I pulled her close, my lips moving carefully over her neck, along the lines of her throat until I reached her mouth. My tongue flicked out, slipping past her lips, over her teeth and into her mouth. It was like I’d never kissed her before.

God, I wanted her. The smell of her was intoxicating, igniting memories in me I hadn’t known existed. I buried my face against the side of her neck, letting everything about her surround me.

“You’re okay with this?” I whispered.

She hesitated, just a second, but it was there. I came to my senses long enough to realize that this might not be what she wanted, that this could be her just trying to please me. I pulled away so I could look at her, really look at her.

“Y/N,” I said gently. “Are you sure? Don’t do anything you don’t want to do because you’re just trying to make me happy.”

She propped herself up on her elbows, her teeth chewing at her lower lip. She blinked slowly, her brows furrowed like she was thinking. She took a deep breath before speaking.

“I know I want you,” she replied. “But not if it’s because you feel sorry for me or you pity me, or because you think you owe me some kind of favor. I want this to be real.”

I pulled her back into my arms. “Oh, it’s real,” I whispered, my lips finding hers again. “Definitely real.”

I lost myself in her a little bit, the taste of her lips, the feel of her hands touching me, the sound of her breathing became my whole world. Everything about her was new, every touch, every kiss, every moan. I peeled her clothes off of her slowly, exploring her carefully, her skin soft under my hands, her body warm and supple. I memorized every part of her, replacing the old memories with new ones not tainted with blood and gore, pain and hatred.

* * *

_ There wasn’t a stitch of clothing left on your bodies, the sheets and blankets on the bed were shoved to the side, falling to the floor, the television was low and quiet in the background, supplying the only light in the room. _

_You were a mass of sensations, every nerve ending alight with need as Dean caressed you, touched you, kissed you. You were gasping and panting, a light sheen of sweat covering your skin, your body on fire._

_“Dean,” you moaned, not for the first time, you fingers tangled in his hair. He slid up your body, his lips a constant presence on your skin. He laid next to you, humming nonsensical words in your ear, his arms around you and his cock hard and leaking against your leg._

_You took him in your hand, the hard shaft twitching at your touch. His eyes were squeezed closed, his jaw was clenched, and he was growling, an almost feral sound, as you stroked him gently, his hips moving ever so slightly._

_“Jesus, angel,” he moaned, thrusting into your hand._

_You gasped as Dean took a hold of your upper arms, rolling you to your back, his knee between yours, pushing your legs open. His hand slid beneath you, lifting you to meet him as he slowly entered you. He took your leg, hooking it around his waist as he eased into you, filling you completely, kissing you tenderly._

_The musky smell of Dean’s sweat filled your nostrils, the taste of him flooded your mouth. He thrust into you, hard, deep, pushing, pulling, driving you insane with the desire to have him inside you, to feel him moving inside you, taking you, owning you. You dug your nails into his ass, urging him to move faster, to go deeper, and he was happy to oblige, the two of you completely consumed in each other._

_His pace quickened, his thrusts harder and harder as he slammed into you. You were wound so tight, that you came quick and easy, screaming Dean’s name. He was right behind you, his body tensing as the orgasm took him, then going slack as he collapsed to the bed beside you._

_Dean pulled you to his side, his arms tight around you. “Thank you,” he whispered._

_“For what?” you asked, cupping his face with your hand._

_“You saved me, angel,” he said._

_“I’m not an angel anymore,” you replied._

_“You’ll always be my angel,” Dean murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple._

 


End file.
